Rodriguez

Rodriguez explains how the scholarship boy is a bad student. I was a bad student a similar but different way. I am similar in the fact that I always did well in school. On the other hand I am different because I never obsess over school and never enjoyed reading. Despite not liking any of my English courses I still did well in the class without having to work hard. School in general has always come easy for me; I never really had to work hard to be an honor roll student. Another difference between Rodriguez and I is that I never idolized my teachers. I did not feel they were any higher of authority than my parents. I feel while my views of schooling are similar; the idea of "education" being a form of "imitation," I have come to this conclusion through very different experiences than Rodriquez.
As a student I felt like I never did well in English. This was the only class I ever struggled in. As a child I almost failed first grade because they thought I couldn't read. However, it was not that I couldn't read, it was I was afraid to read. I did not like reading aloud because I hated being the center of attention, and I felt as if I were much slower than my fellow class mates. My life at home did not help these issues. My mom was abusive. She verbally and physically abused us. Not only did this contribute to my fear of people but it contributed to my fear of attention and the persons of whom I felt had most authority in my life.
Rodriquez on the other hand idolized his teachers. Unlike myself, he felt his teachers were better than his parents. "But I never tried to explain that it was not the occupation of teaching I yearned for as much as it was something more elusive: I wanted to be like my teachers, to possess their knowledge, to assume their authority, their confidence, even to assume a teacher's persona" (Rodriquez 438). While I can understand this thought proccess, I do not feel the same way. I do not want to be like any particular teacher, I wish to do things for my students that my teachers where not able to do for me. I hope to recognize the signs that my teachers missed. I hope to change the "imitation" aspect of teaching and engage my students. I hope to recieve respect from respect, not fear and demanded authority.
I never viewed my teachers with authority. I used school as an escape of my home life, similar to Rodriguez using books. My mother was the only who reigned over me. The reason I did my homework, I payed attention in class and did so well in school was because of her. I wish I could feel like I can thank her for my success in academics, but I never will. For it was fear of being beat that kept me going in school, not fear of failure or disappointment in my teachers. I never saw my teachers as anything more than human in Elementary school. I felt as if they were like every other person in the world; blind to my mother's evil demons. I now wish that they saw what really was going on and maybe I wouldn't have as many issues as I do as an adult.
Although I struggled in English in Elementary School, as I got older school became easier and easier for me. Once my parents got divorced, I did well in school because it was not only easy for me, but because I loved my dad and wanted to make him proud. School was the only way I knew how to do this. He is the reason I am where I am today. He is the one I respect most in my life, he is my savior from my mother, not my teachers.
In high school I began to realize the "banking method" of teaching. I hated my high school. I knew there was something wrong when teachers didn't really know their students. In my high school I felt like just another face in the crowd. It wasn't until I transferred my sophomore year to my local charter school that I realized there could be relationships between students and teachers. This is where I became inspired to be a teacher. My teachers felt like we all deserved mutual respect. We felt like we were part of family, as students. We were not just more statistics. If I can give at least one student the experience I had, I feel I will have achieved my goal. If I can show them that schooling isn't just place of higher Archy and authority, that it can be fun to learn, I will have done my job.
Rodriquez realized that "education" is a form of "imitation," I too have come to this realization. "He becomes in every obvious way the worst student, a dummy mouthing the opinions of others. But he would not be so bad-- nor would he become so successful, a scholarship boy-- if he did not accurately perceive that the best synonym for primary 'education' is 'imitation,'" (Rodriquez 446). I realized in school that all you had to do was memorize the material long enough to pass the test. Many students do this. If you asked me today to quote any of the books I read for school, I could not tell you but bits and pieces of the plots. I feel that this should change. I feel students should not just imitate what they are told to but think for themselves. I feel they should be just as much a part of their learning process as the teachers. When I transferred out of the big high school I realized that school isn't just about getting good grades. School is about forming relationships and respect. Education is there to help you think independently, not to memic others.
Even though I loved my High School, it did not prepare me for my college experience. Everything was relatively easy for me, I never really had to work hard to understand. I never studied; all I had to do was read it once and I understood. I had a few bumps in the road but over all school was a smooth drive for me. College on the other hand hit me like a brick wall. I realized quickly that I had to do the readings and I had to put effort into my work. My problem the first time around was I couldn't handle it. I worked full time and went school full time. I did not have enough motivation to make it through college. So I took a break. When I decided to go back, this time to UWM, I knew what I wanted in life. I had enough experience in life to know where I was is not where I wanted to be. Similar to Rodriquez, through life experience have I been able to critically think and form opinions of my own. Without experience, knowledge is useless. You can be told what blue is over and over again, but without actually seeing it, it becomes useless information.
I still struggle, trust me working full time and going to school is not easy, but I have gained respect for school. It is not easy for me anymore. I realize through my college experience that school has a purpose and I'm now motivated; I want to succeed. I find myself in Rodriguez's shoes in a sense. I do not want to fail. I want to get the most out of my schooling. I feel if I recognize the faults, like the "scholarship boy" and the "education" is a form of "imitation" I can learn with a form of enlightenment. I understand that I can't just "copy and paste" my ideas from others. I have to take my own experiences and compare them to the ideas I get from my readings. As a reader I understand now that I can't just agree or disagree with a writer, I must relate to or contradict a writer with my past experiences. I feel I learn best if I can connect my personal life with the writing. Rodriquez has made me put into words my realization that your school life and home life should not be seperate. I feel I strive for my best when I have my family and friends to support me along the way.